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Rainbow Sixs & Cranks

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Dec. 20th, 2006 | 06:52 pm

Ok, that's probably the wrong way to pluralize six but, I don't feel like background checking it. Once again, the man toys with me. Today, I officially started cranking.

What's cranking you ask little billy? Well cranking is when the man takes its people that were sworn to defend to the country and turns them into mobile fastfood infantry. When you start cranking, you basically become the equivalent of a McDonald's employee. Cranking's divided into a group of different catogories. Some serve food, some clean estate rooms and then there's me, I get to maintain the messdeck.

Maintain the messdeck. See how working for the government gives you opportunities to redefine things that are simply dull or trivial or something you just don't want the people to think about. Like the term cranking itself? Who the fuck came up with that? Sounds like your working on a fucking car or winding up some ridiculously big ass clock. No, its just some incredibly ambigous term the civilians will never find out.

Here's what I do, we must around 8:15. We set up the tables around 9:30 and have chow around 10:00. Then for two and a half hours, the madness begins. We clean and then we clean. I was in charge of defending the juicebar against spills and hazardous ice and ketchup attacks. Of course at ten, most people aren't there so we just sat there and waited. When you're waiting for a spill or someone to accidentally drop something, time just slows down.

There was also another crisis, the cups. If people ran out of cups, the sailors would revolt. We had to keep a close eye on the amount of cups we had out in constant support of the war on terror. If Osama Bin Laden knew how thin our morale was, he'd be doing his wicked jihad dance.

It's really not that bad of a job but its just dull and kind of degrading. I just did my first day and its just going to drag itself out. I swear, no one can do a serious Navy movie anymore. No one, it's impossible. Everything is a joke. Hell, the SEALs are probably playing Socom, wishing they had something to do.

I got to make a Navy movie about my life. Start with the enlistment papers, showing me asking if I get the GI Bill and so forth before I sign and the guy saying yes and then fastforwarding to me getting told I'm not eligible for benefits. Then the mediocrity of bootcamp. The simple pleasures of A-School and then the fun of Deployment and the ridiculousness of why the United States needs such an expensive Navy. We'll include my brushes while in PAPERCLIP and my days cranking and hopefully this story will end on a good note. Me getting the hell out and making love to Ashley on some beach in Hawaii. Now, that'd be a hot ending.

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